Day 3

My first observation of the day is that consuming 3 bottles of water a day is my biggest challenge. While its good that only one part is giving me a problem, it is sad that it is consuming a beverage. I'm almost to the bottom of my second bottle. The issue is that its 9:30pm and if I down this and another whole bottle in the next hour I'm not going to spend the night sleeping if you know what I mean. Secondly, the weather today was gorgeous. It was a perfect taste of fall on the second day of September. Light, wispy clouds and bright sunshine with just enough breeze to relax you.
Last night before I could go to sleep I poured out my heart to God. There is praying and then there is pouring out your soul. Occasional pouring is healthy. Last night was my turn. I finally admitted one of the things bothering me most is my lack of social life. I am blessed with two of my closest friends being only 45 minutes away, but schedules and class work make week night meetings hard. Not to mention the expense of gas. I can also go home on the weekends should I desire to do so. Lately I have and I will probably continue until my mom is back out and about. That should only be a few more weeks. God has worked out the student loan problems. He has given me peace about certain relationships that have been strained. I know He is also in control of the new friends I will find here. My weekend is beginning to fill up with social gatherings which makes me feel good. Sometimes I think really its best like this. I'm completely focused on school during the week and I can hang out with friends care free on the weekends. But it'd be nice to add some social interaction to the week also. I've met several people that I sit near in class and can chat with, but so far no one who has just automatically written themselves into my schedule.
Then again, this 30 days particularly is about me and God. I vowed not to worry about friendships or dating. To give God my all and allow him to direct my life. I've contacted a couple daycares and Sugar Mountain ski resort for job opportunities so we'll see where those go. I'm making some very important personal changes right now. It would be unfair to bring someone into the middle of that. So for now here I sit. Me and my cat. Reading and texting and facebook-ing. What did we do for social networking before these amazing tools were invented?

PS-the "young attractive male" upstairs is getting a little too comfortable with his sound system. control yourself man.

Day 2

I can't breathe out of my nose and have spent half the day battling excited phlegm. Noting Karley's sickness, much worse than mine, I am confident that we are on to something big. Ever since this 30 day plan has even been under consideration things have come hard and fast at all three of us. My student loans aren't coming through as they should. Leaving me no choice but to write a check for $550 that I don't have for this month's rent. The parts of the day that I spend with God though are enough to boost my spirits until the next "meeting". I sat in the lobby for ten minutes before my last class and pondered my needs and desires. I wrote some major things down. It was like passing notes with Jesus. I wrote something and He read it and responded. It kept me focused on Him amid the bustling crowd. Today I especially have had to make an effort not to worry about making friends and finding my place here at Appalachian. I'm meeting people everyday and I'm not lonely in class or off in a corner. When I come home though its easy to get discouraged. But "wanna come over tonight" friendships don't develop instantaneously. It seems like it has been forever since I was alone in the world, but even then I don't really remember life before my chance meeting with Kindall Duke on the sidewalk. I keep reminding myself that this is a 30 day plan. And not even 30 days is long enough to accomplish each and every goal. Growing in Christ is a lifelong process. So I will trek on. I will climb my Everest and proudly display my flag at the top before moving on to the next tallest peak.

Day 1

As of 6:41pm, I have accomplished 45 minutes of exercise, 30 minutes of prayer, and am fairly sure only 2 bottles of water will be consumed today. However, two is better than none! I spent a third of my drive back to Boone talking to God. I prayed for the next 30 days and my family and my friends. Even the leadership of the nation. I also asked God to reveal to me what He would have me to do with the desire that are developing in my heart. I am more and more moved to speak to young girls who have trouble with self-esteem. I don't know what God has in store for me in terms of ministry. I've never felt that being a speaker was anywhere close to my calling in life. But I feel God leading me to do something for the girls that are living in fear of others' opinions. We will see where Day 2 leads.

Supersize Me: The Spiritual Edition

The other night while I was praying I felt God saying that I needed to focus more on Him. I have been very distracted in the past few weeks. Social stuff, moving, getting back in school. God wasn't in the spot He should be, number one. I have composed a plan that I have titled "Supersize Me: The Spiritual Edition". God has blessed me with friends who have the same heart for God that I do. I won't have to do this alone or try to keep myself accountable. I want to blog everyday, hopefully, if not every few days. I want to be able to look back and see where I started and the progress I'm making each day. We are starting tomorrow. For 30 days we will focus on God. Eliminate the distractions. Allow God to take control and bring peace. I also want to start healthier habits. My body is the temple of God and I haven't done a great job of taking care of it. The following are my personal goals for the next month:

30 minutes of prayer/Bible reading daily
45 minutes of exercise 3x a week
only 1 serving of junk food (if any) a day (even if that means 2 Hershey's Kisses instead of a handful)
No worrying about dating or friendships
Be at peace where God has put me
3 bottles of water a day
blog everyday
Ask God to show me my purpose and how to pursue it
Starve any bad habits (21 days to change a habit)
Ask God to show me gifts I didn't know I had and how to use them for His glory
Reset my priorities

Here goes everything!

Time Heals All Wounds

I have yet to live long enough to prove the above statement true. All of the major hurts I have experienced are still there buried deep under new life experiences and God-fearing mercy. Nine months ago I experienced the deepest sadness in my life to date. This weekend I was reminded of just how short a time its been and how inefficient this period has been for proper healing. Saturday night I went with my then boyfriend, a friend, and my uncle and his family to see The Time Traveler's Wife. Before I continue I will say that aside from my own experience I thought the movie was good and I will refrain from spoiling anything if at all possible. At some point near the end of the film someone dies. For whatever reason they are tended to on the floor in a fashion very similar to what I witnessed the morning of my father's death. In ten seconds I was rushed away from a family outing to October 24th with my mom's cries in the background and my own heartbeat pounding in my ears. My aunt knew immediately that the scene would affect me and as she was sitting beside my boyfriend mentioned to him to try and comfort me. Sure he held my hand, but he didn't know. He had no idea what was going through my mind over and over. It's not his fault I know. The only other person on Earth who knows exactly is my mother and she wasn't even there. He was thoughtful at the moment of transgression, but as soon as the movie was over he was over it. I wasn't. I couldn't be. We got in the car to go home and his mood was instantly restored. I was silent the whole way home as soon as we walked in the door I went to talk to my mom. After crying and listening to her encouragement I walked back into the living room. I found Meet The Parents on television and decided that would be a sufficient replacement to the scenes in my head. When the boyfriend came in he turned off the TV and demanded that I tell him what was wrong. I couldn't. Not at that moment. I have no desire to discuss the events of that morning on any given Sunday, much less after an ordeal like that night had been.
On several previous occasions this guy had brought up the fact that I take anti-depressants. He's not happy with it and wanted a promise that I would "give it to Jesus" and come off of them. I have a newsflash. Occasionally God uses medication and earthly means to heal. I will not put God in a box and say that I demand a miraculous and instantaneous healing. In the end, this discussion and Saturday's events lead to the demise of that relationship. I am not at all heartbroken though. I will not subject myself to someone who demands to know all my secrets in a mere two weeks of dating. Some things are mine and I will not share them until I choose to. Who are you to judge my situation when you have no idea what it was like? You weren't even around for it!
This afternoon I am off to ASU to begin the pursuit of a BS in elementary education. Finally, I am advancing in life. For the first time in 10 months I can stand on my own, declare what I want, and trust God and my family to support me in my endeavors.