Monday, April 27, 2009

Jesus, Take The Wheel

I found an apartment that is very convenient to campus and in my price range and even has air conditioning. I get to see the inside on Wednesday and probably sign a lease. Why am I not happy? Oh yeah, because I'm so stressed and tired from doing everything. I love my job and I love my family of course! But I feel like I'm the only one doing anything to help. My mom did so much and now that she can't for a while it has all fallen to me. I feel guilty because she doesn't complain or fall apart when she does it. I know that she will be healed. I'm just ready for that miracle.

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Baby Steps

Wow! I have gone from zero to sixty in what feels like five seconds. I am running all the time it seems like. I leave the house at 7:45am and tonight I got home for good at 9:30pm! Given, part of that was playing tennis which was a chosen activity. After months of nothingness I'm having a hard time readjusting to a schedule, much less having to tweak that schedule to fit extracurricular activities in. Although my balance isn't perfect there is more solid ground these days. Some days I even feel like I am standing up straight and sturdy from the time I get up to the time I go to bed. This doesn't usually last for more than a day, but I'll take what I can get. This weekend is a major stepping stone in planning the near future. I am going (with nearly my entire family of course) to Boone to see some apartments and hopefully make a deposit on my own place. A place I pay for (eventually). I clean. I stock. Boone is becoming more and more right, I guess would be how I would describe it. Since Daddy died I have reconnected with my high school friends. Those of us who said we hated Mooresville and would never come back are back. And that is actually okay with me. However, I will never tell my children not to leave. I want them to go and experience the world. I'm not finished doing that myself, but Mooresville feels like home again. Our little Main Street where nothing ever happens. The traffic jams on the west side of town where I live. The fizzling racing industry. I have come to realize that not everyone is lucky enough to live where they were born, much less to have their whole family right there with them. As ridiculous as it feels sometimes, such as carting the whole gang to Boone to look at apartments, I love them and all their weirdness and they love mine. I miss my Belmont friends everyday. Belmont was a once in a lifetime experience and I met two of the best friends I'll ever have there. Two friends that helped me through one of the hardest times I'll ever experience. Jesus knew I'd need them then so He sent them to me a year early :D