Monday, August 31, 2009

Day 1

As of 6:41pm, I have accomplished 45 minutes of exercise, 30 minutes of prayer, and am fairly sure only 2 bottles of water will be consumed today. However, two is better than none! I spent a third of my drive back to Boone talking to God. I prayed for the next 30 days and my family and my friends. Even the leadership of the nation. I also asked God to reveal to me what He would have me to do with the desire that are developing in my heart. I am more and more moved to speak to young girls who have trouble with self-esteem. I don't know what God has in store for me in terms of ministry. I've never felt that being a speaker was anywhere close to my calling in life. But I feel God leading me to do something for the girls that are living in fear of others' opinions. We will see where Day 2 leads.

Sunday, August 30, 2009

Supersize Me: The Spiritual Edition

The other night while I was praying I felt God saying that I needed to focus more on Him. I have been very distracted in the past few weeks. Social stuff, moving, getting back in school. God wasn't in the spot He should be, number one. I have composed a plan that I have titled "Supersize Me: The Spiritual Edition". God has blessed me with friends who have the same heart for God that I do. I won't have to do this alone or try to keep myself accountable. I want to blog everyday, hopefully, if not every few days. I want to be able to look back and see where I started and the progress I'm making each day. We are starting tomorrow. For 30 days we will focus on God. Eliminate the distractions. Allow God to take control and bring peace. I also want to start healthier habits. My body is the temple of God and I haven't done a great job of taking care of it. The following are my personal goals for the next month:

30 minutes of prayer/Bible reading daily
45 minutes of exercise 3x a week
only 1 serving of junk food (if any) a day (even if that means 2 Hershey's Kisses instead of a handful)
No worrying about dating or friendships
Be at peace where God has put me
3 bottles of water a day
blog everyday
Ask God to show me my purpose and how to pursue it
Starve any bad habits (21 days to change a habit)
Ask God to show me gifts I didn't know I had and how to use them for His glory
Reset my priorities

Here goes everything!

Monday, August 24, 2009

Time Heals All Wounds

I have yet to live long enough to prove the above statement true. All of the major hurts I have experienced are still there buried deep under new life experiences and God-fearing mercy. Nine months ago I experienced the deepest sadness in my life to date. This weekend I was reminded of just how short a time its been and how inefficient this period has been for proper healing. Saturday night I went with my then boyfriend, a friend, and my uncle and his family to see The Time Traveler's Wife. Before I continue I will say that aside from my own experience I thought the movie was good and I will refrain from spoiling anything if at all possible. At some point near the end of the film someone dies. For whatever reason they are tended to on the floor in a fashion very similar to what I witnessed the morning of my father's death. In ten seconds I was rushed away from a family outing to October 24th with my mom's cries in the background and my own heartbeat pounding in my ears. My aunt knew immediately that the scene would affect me and as she was sitting beside my boyfriend mentioned to him to try and comfort me. Sure he held my hand, but he didn't know. He had no idea what was going through my mind over and over. It's not his fault I know. The only other person on Earth who knows exactly is my mother and she wasn't even there. He was thoughtful at the moment of transgression, but as soon as the movie was over he was over it. I wasn't. I couldn't be. We got in the car to go home and his mood was instantly restored. I was silent the whole way home as soon as we walked in the door I went to talk to my mom. After crying and listening to her encouragement I walked back into the living room. I found Meet The Parents on television and decided that would be a sufficient replacement to the scenes in my head. When the boyfriend came in he turned off the TV and demanded that I tell him what was wrong. I couldn't. Not at that moment. I have no desire to discuss the events of that morning on any given Sunday, much less after an ordeal like that night had been.
On several previous occasions this guy had brought up the fact that I take anti-depressants. He's not happy with it and wanted a promise that I would "give it to Jesus" and come off of them. I have a newsflash. Occasionally God uses medication and earthly means to heal. I will not put God in a box and say that I demand a miraculous and instantaneous healing. In the end, this discussion and Saturday's events lead to the demise of that relationship. I am not at all heartbroken though. I will not subject myself to someone who demands to know all my secrets in a mere two weeks of dating. Some things are mine and I will not share them until I choose to. Who are you to judge my situation when you have no idea what it was like? You weren't even around for it!
This afternoon I am off to ASU to begin the pursuit of a BS in elementary education. Finally, I am advancing in life. For the first time in 10 months I can stand on my own, declare what I want, and trust God and my family to support me in my endeavors.