Tuesday, February 23, 2010

As the Crow Flies

In forty minutes I must head out the door to my Tuesday night ritual of my evolution vs creationism class. The class itself is pretty interesting. The most upsetting part is the three hour duration. Not to mention my professor signs every email with "have a productive weekend." Not a safe or restful or even just good weekend, but productive. It's just not right I tell you. Beyond that, life is good. The past couple days I have been thinking a lot about this summer. A week from tonight I will take the midterm for that class. I'm not excited about the test, but the midterm means I am halfway done with my last semester here. Here in the place where there is always snow, mud, and annoying people. Ok, maybe not always, but this semester got off to a pretty rough start. I actually like to jog along the path near my apartment. I didn't do it much when it was warm and now I wish I could. Call me crazy, but I'm not into staying outside voluntarily when it is -8. God opened a huge door and lifted a heavy burden last week. I finally got the annuity settled from my dad's death. Until I turn 22 I will have a little source of income outside student loans. The most immediate effect of this was filling up my gas tank completely and not stopping at $10. An overall result is my recent investment in a treadmill. I have been living by myself for six months now. I'm still trying to learn how. My grocery list is a little more consistent. My days are a little more organized. For a while I was on a fairly good exercise spree. The groceries I buy are in a somewhat healthy range. I've interviewed for jobs, although I've yet to get a call back. Considering the economy, I won't take that as a personal rejection. Haha. Basically, I can feel my life organizing. It's a very comforting feeling. I have an idea of where I am going, but no specifics and I like that.
Unfortunately...education calls.

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

[check box here] Reconciled

You know when you balance your checkbook online and you click "reconciled" beside each item as you find it in your register? This morning I checked a mental reconciliation box. In geography, we started a discussion on illegal immigration. Understandably, there are many differing opinions about the appropriate actions to be taken against such visitors. Personally, I feel that we should have a better system aimed at controlling our borders. I also know that these people are not taking as many jobs as most Americans say they are. On a scale of 1 to 10, how likely is Bob Smith to take a maintenance job at McDonalds? How likely is Jose Suertos?
Ok, so this in itself is not life changing. However, directly after leaving said class, I proceeded to plan my 21st birthday. I'm talking to someone whom I would like to date. I'm planning a move in the summer. All aspects of my life came together for a day. Often I feel that I exist in separate states. I am one persona when I am in school, the student. I am one persona when I am at home, the 20 year old with her own place. I am one persona when I am with Reagan, the nanny. I am one persona when I am with my friends, the college student trying to figure things out and having fun. My hearing, sight, and comprehension are often one-track. This morning I found reconciliation between all these parts of me. I am a young adult who often keeps Reagan on breaks, has actual opinions on world events, currently lives in Boone while attending school, and loves to spend time with friends. Maybe I have passed the stage of self identification. Maybe I have moved on to improvement of self. Again, in a clash of personas, last night I wrote an essay for a history class on human desire for progress and knowledge. As an example of my own theories I am seeking to move forward with my life through education and experience.
Twenty-one has become an important milestone in life and not simply because it means legal alcohol consumption. In fact, drinking is what I have thought of least as my birthday approaches. I am free to surround myself with the people of my choice. I am able to choose who deserves my time and who does not. Who makes me a better person and who brings me down. Most importantly, I know the signs of people from each category. In the most cliche terminology possible, I lived and learned.
I have many more options available to me now than I could have comprehended my senior year in high school. I can go to school online from my mother's house. I can go to school in Nashville, at a place I love (which is obviously the winner). I can date. I can refuse to be "tied down". I am pursuing a career based on new found interests and a desire to challenge myself. To most people my age, this would be unheard of. I often thought of teaching as too easy. A repetitive career. I love children and I would have loved learning about new students every year. Beyond learning, I would lose touch with them. As a pediatric occupational therapist, I can influence children who are reaching for the sky against tidal wave. Best of all, I can see it. I could never quite form a mental picture that included life as a teacher. I think I would be good at it and I would enjoy it, but its not meant for me. It was a simple solution to a life long question, "what do you want to be when you grow up?"
I can see my total self as a therapist. I go to work and discuss the Grammys and the election over lunch. I come home and take and change into the perfect little, black dress from my amazingly cute scrubs. (Ok, maybe that's overkill.) I date and I find my husband. The one man that God has been working on for me all this time. The one that God is transforming me now to be with. The man who fits into this plan. God's plan for my life.

Jeremiah 29:11 "I know the plans I have for you says the Lord."