Desire for Accomplishment-Dedication-Me

Today I officially became a registered Independent Business Owner. I work with Amway Global. I have heard different stories from different people about their experiences with the corporation. It has come a long way in 30 or so years. This region of the South was saturated with IBOs during that time. Some people I graduated with and I are working together to make some money on the side. Mostly to save, but to also pay for everyday expenses while going through school. I prayed about it and I feel that this is an opportunity that God wants me to take. If for no other reason then to teach me some dedication and the value of a dollar. At this point I am not using Blogger to plug my business, but if I see that this works out well, I'm not above it. :)

Ups & Downs

Just needed to clear my head a little. This weekend has been both great and horrible. I spent a night with Jada at Montreat and had a blast. I was sad to leave the college atmosphere. I learned that I would suffocate at Montreat. The rooms are microscopic and so is the campus and the dining hall and the class size and the road leading to the campus, etc. It's perfect for Jada, not for me. Still, I had fun. Sunday I came home and spent the afternoon at "the baby's" house. My mom requested that I pick her up something for supper. She called ahead, but when I arrived they hadn't yet made the pizza. As I sat and waited a feeling of deep sorrow and loss swept over me. I have become especially susceptible to these spells when I am tired. We stayed up late Saturday night and got up early for church, so I guess I was asking for it. My mom has been in a haze for the past few days and her mood was easily spread when I walked in the door crying. For those few more hours that we were awake that night we were lost in a world all our own. In our world there are bittersweet memories at every turn and nearly everything is reason enough to cry, good or bad. These visits to the land of loss are becoming fewer slowly, but they tend to sneak up at the most random times. As we talked today I think we touched on some of the reasons for my sudden outburst. First and foremost, I miss my Daddy more than I can say. There are things I wish to ask him all the time, things I want him to fix, but everyday I just need a hug. Last Sunday, I longed to hear him ask "Is that new?" to my outfit. He often asked even when the clothing was years old, but it meant he noticed. He took everything in and that is what I am trying to do. I want to soak in the months I have here with my mom and the moments we share together. I know all too well that one day, any day, she will not be there. Second, I miss my friends. My high school friends are back in school after Christmas break and it leaves a lonely after taste. Last week I had plans. This week I don't. The weekends are better. Alexx comes back to town and we usually see a movie or something, but sometimes he is busy with his high school buddies. I have several friends who still live at home, but they work and go to school and its hard to coordinate plans. The black mood is slowly lifting, but I still hear sniffling coming from my mom's room. Such an occurrence is not uncommon these days. She does very well for weeks and then it all hits her again, but she gets back up and goes on. For that, I am very proud of her. After all, life knocks you down and you get back up again. I guess thats just the way it works.

President Obama

Today, along with the rest of the world, I watched Barack Obama be sworn in as the 44th President of the United States. I didn't vote for him. I don't agree with all his policies. However, this morning he became our commander in chief. Sure all us McCain supporters were disappointed. But that was November! There are many people from earlier generations with much different mindsets than mine. For instance, my grandmother is completely against a Black man in office. Why? There is no difference between us, not on the inside. I believe that Obama has our best interests at heart and I think he will implement the tough policies that are needed to save our nation. There are a lot of people in my southern town who are republican and white down to the core. I've heard a lot of comments from a lot of people that I didn't expect. Barack Obama is our president. He deserves our respect and desperately needs our support and prayers. I'm so happy to have a president and first lady who are not afraid to hug and kiss their children and kiss each other in public. They are much more openly loving and supportive of each other than previous presidents. I find that very refreshing. This is a day I will tell my grandchildren about and I hope and pray that they will find it hard to believe that this was such a big deal. I hope their world is much improved, inside and out.
I pray that God will protect President Obama each and every minute. Give him the wisdom to make the tough decisions and the courage to stand up for what is right. Lead America in the way that you would have her go. We are "one nation under [you]". Help us to remember that. Help us to also remember September 11, 2001 and all everything those in uniform are fighting for. Be with each soldier at home and abroad and their families. Bless them for their dedication to America.

Hail to the Chief

Patience is a Virtue...dang it

Waiting drives me crazy. Having to sit around waiting for things to happen that are beyond my control is especially hard. I went to a special youth event at church tonight. As all the girls were sitting around talking about all things love and romance I felt God tugging at my heart. I have a nasty habit of trying to produce my own reality show. After so long, sitting at home or carting around grandmas gets old. So why not throw in a love connection. I'm not saying that I didn't really like the guys I have been interested in recently, but I do try too hard to make something out of nothing. What do I have? Friendship. What did I call it? Romance/Love/What have you. The outside world would never believe this coming from a nineteen year old, but the past three months of doing nothing with my life have been incredibly educational. I've never had more time to think about what I would like to accomplish in life. None of the decisions I have made recently have been forced by time constraints. Heck, I just applied for the summer semester in mid-January. Given, this allows plenty of time to worry that maybe Belmont won't want me back, but I'm trying to have patience.
On another more random note, I'm trying to lose 20 pounds, exercise, and eat better. This takes just as much patience as waiting for prince charming, but more effort on my part. So far, so good. My thinking is that if I establish better habits now it will be second nature come Nashville time when I'm buying my own groceries again...We shall see.

In Short...

I need a job. I miss school. I miss having a purpose. I like sleeping late. I don't want to see my best friend go back to school unless she agrees to let me live in her dorm until summer. The process of reapplying to Belmont has begun and that is MUCHO exciting. I miss Kindall. I miss Rebecca. I miss Liz. The Panthers blew it, BIG time. I refuse to blame Jake SOLELY. What does accomplishment feel like again? I like writing songs. I just wrote a decent one (I think) called "The Other Me". I might post it. But I might not.

The scary thing is that I haven't had any grand amount of caffeine. This is just a collection of all the thoughts in my head all at once. It feels good to have them on "paper".