Thursday, April 29, 2010

Two Steps Up, One Step Back

Oh how much heavier mistakes are than accomplishments. They seem to last so much longer, burn that much deeper. All the prayers prayed under the assumption you were above something were said the wrong way. The strength is there, but so often we don't lower our pride and take it. There is strength to be found in such moments. It takes God telling us. Whispering in our ear. If you listen you realize he isn't yelling his disapproval, but whispering his forgiveness and his love. In the end it doesn't matter the size or subject of the mistake. God forgives them all and mercifully casts them into a sea of forgetfulness. The hardest thing to admit is that we need him. Eternally. Physically. Emotionally. In every way. So here it is Lord. I know I messed up. You are teaching me slowly how to build true, Godly relationships. Let this be just another step forward and not another two back.

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Ending the Drought

It has been nearly a month since I blogged last. You could interpret the meaning to be that my life was too busy to allow for it or too boring to create anything to say. I'm going to concede to some combination of the two. Here I am sitting in the ASU library. It is my last full week of classes. Right now my mind is preoccupied with the debate I am forced to take part in at 6pm. I have a partner, who should be here soon, which I don't know very well. Actually, we've only seen each other in class and communicated via email. Yes. I admit the 21st century has robbed me of what few people skills I had. My general rule is to avoid speaking as much as possible. I take that back. My goal is to be noticed as little as possible. That does not always keep me from speaking here and there when I have something to share. That isn't often, but that isn't the point. (Seth just called and for some reason when I pressed the answer key it sent him to voicemail. So...I called back and left an awkward message describing my current location in the begins.)
I am enough of a nerd to enjoy college classes. I took this night class simply because it interested me. Our debate tonight is between three teams of two: Neo-Lamarckians, Cuvierian Special Creationists, and Darwinians. I much prefer to sit back and watch the sparks instead of causing them or getting burned by them. (Contact made. He will be here "very shortly then." He seems nice enough. Maybe there will be no heart attacks or social strokes involved.) Anyway...back to the class. My father instilled the value of knowledge very early. I was not allowed to use a calculator because my brain was all I needed. (Seth is here. He is gone to print a few things. It relieves the stress to share with you my current events.) I was also inspired by my dad to know everything about everything. Whether it was something he supported or opposed, believed or denied, Daddy seemed to know the subject in-depth. My brother is very similar in his ripe old age....thirties. I like to be able to pull my own weight during family gatherings. Point in case I signed up to sit in class for 3 hours of my life every Tuesday night to learn. We are documenting the rise of evolution in its many forms and eventually the rise of creationism as its opponent. I want to understand the things I believe. I want to know why I believe them. Most importantly, I want to believe them because I think they are true and not just because someone told me.

So on to the education half of my afternoon. Two weeks from now I will officially be done with Appalachian. It is bittersweet in that I can no longer slack off and blame it on unhappiness. The sweet part is that in a month I will be in the process of settling in a lovely West End apartment with Kindall and hopefully returning to the way I think my life should be.