Stepping Stones

It's been over a month since I've posted. As much as I rely on writing to keep me sane, this should worry you. The good news is I've tackled another obstacle and won the battle. My last post was from a period of extreme confusion. I have yet to figure it all out, but I'm making some progress. The more I examine my own heart, God's word, and listen to his voice, I'm finding that I may have made a few wrong turns. My choice to go to Appalachian was me saying, "hey God, I know you're all powerful and everything, but I'm just going to hang around here to keep an eye on the homestead." Luckily, God IS all powerful. Powerful enough to take care of the homestead I swore to protect and it's fallen hero. That leaves me in the wrong place at the wrong time and again listening for God's direction.
My savior amazes me. I ignored his promises, his commands. I made my own decisions based on my measly bit of wisdom. Still my savior is ready and willing to take me back. I can feel him holding out his arms for me and asking me softly, "listen to me okay?" For some reason I had decided that all the things I felt God had given me in the past were no longer meant for me. A college experience that fulfilled me and pushed me. A solid family and group of friends. This is a rather juvenile discovery, but he didn't take anything away. I ran away from it all. At some point, something in my brain said, "this is it, this is how it's going to be." I can't explain how thankful I am that that is not at all the case. I am twenty years old. No one said that if you lose a parent at an early age that your life should stop. No one said that because you left your dream school to deal with the overwhelming situations of life that you can't go back.
Here's the plan: Belmont is it. Belmont has always been it. Will always be it. Belmont is much more than a school. It's an accomplishment, a growing experience, and a platform to reach my dreams. Those dreams are changing all the time, but the platform never sinks. I don't want to be sitting at home when I'm fifty years old thinking of all the things I would have liked to try. I don't want to regret never going for something that I truly desire. I don't want to regret not following God's directions. I have personally experienced my life planning and his. His is hands down the best, of course. The past week has been the happiest of my time at Appalachian. I am beginning to see things move. The mountains are slowly crumbling. The plan is to be ready to run to Nashville the minute God says go. It's 9pm, but I'd go now if he'd let me.