Sunday, September 5, 2010

A Constant State of Crisis

I watched Blood Diamond today. I just signed up for Netflix and Leo got the privilege of being the first leading man to show up in my mailbox. There is very little to laugh at in this movie. The story is horrifically true, at least the setting. But somewhere in the middle the only woman seen multiple times in the film says, "3 out of 5 ex-boyfriends recently polled, said I prefer to be in a constant state of crisis." This is funny and surprisingly true. I have no desire to hang out in the middle of a war or to make friends with diamond smugglers. In some since though, I prefer a state of crisis. I am rarely completely satisfied in my current situation. I am rarely, actually I don't think I've ever been, at peace with every part of my life. Nobody is, I know. But maybe I enjoy it. Maybe I like being a little confused. A little uneasy. I think it keeps me aware. Part of me is glad that my life has not followed the typical timeline. I am graduating a year late from college then going to Grad school. Even during grad school, I have no idea where I will be. If there was the supposed "high school sweetheart" it is very possible I would not be typing this in a Nashville apartment.
I use the term "crisis" loosely here. I don't mean an identity crisis where I decide I'm meant to be a nun. (goodness no.) More of a constant state of uncertainty. Admittedly, I fight this all the time. But the movie Blood Diamond, one quote anyway, gave me the words to describe my outlook. My college years, and most likely the years that directly follow, are made up of small crises waiting to be averted. It's okay. I've got this.

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