Getting Situated

While catching up on SNL episodes I am evaluating my life and how I feel about its current state. Earlier I described my mood as invisible. There was no one available to do anything with and I have spent all day at home. Again God is telling me to let go and let him. So simple in theory, but oh so hard to do. So tonight I resumed the search for a Nashville apartment. More than Appalachian, I think I'm truly moving away from the time since October 2008. That month was the end of my comfortable, well-oiled life. It is almost as though I am still waiting for life to resume, like its been on pause for a year.
God is also teaching me about waiting on Him. Mentally, I have a set of backup plans should God's go wrong. In my heart, I am terrified of never getting married and having children. I have to learn to live without the dreams I have held onto for fifteen years. I need to become satisfied by God alone. He is everything I need. He comforts me. He even knows the number of tears I have cried. He has watched me when I was doing things wrong and tossed those very sights into the sea of forgetfulness. He loves me unconditionally. He is both a parent and a lover because he is "I Am". Immanuel. My favorite name for God is "Prince of Peace" because I usually lack that quality most. For a while now I have settled in my relationship with God. I've stopped actively pursuing more. Tonight God reminded me that he is at work everywhere even when I don't see it. He is working in people around me. Again I am on my knees Lord. Show me, please, how to be me while following you. Help me make those decisions that are staring me in the face and to leave behind the nightmares of the past and the dread of the future.

Lord Move or Move Me

I can't find the words to pray
I'm a little down today
Can you help me?
Can you hold me?
I feel like a million miles away
And I don't know what to say
Can you hear me anyway?
What I need is for you to reach out your hand
You have taught me
No matter what you'd understand

Lord move in a way, that I've never seen before
Cause there's a mountain in the way and a lock on the door
I'm drifting away, waves are crashing on the shore
So Lord move (move), or move me.


I've look every where to find
A simple peace of mind
I can't find nothing on my own
So I got to leave myself behind
Take up this cross of mine
Give away everything I hold onto

Lord I know the only way is through this
Lord I know I need you to help me do this


Lord move in a way, that I've never seen before
Cause there's a mountain in the way and a lock on the door
I'm drifting away, waves are crashing on the shore
So Lord move (move), or move me.

Out of this place of complacency
To a place of fellowship with thee
Cause I am weak but Lord you are so strong
And you know it's been way too long (been way too long)

Lord move in the way, that I've never seen before
Cause there's a mountain in the way and I'll knock on the door
I'm drifting away, waves are crashing on the shore
So Lord move (move)...